SEARCHING.

Band auditions are on Friday, and for the first time in a long time, I'm not participating. It's weird, I've been playing flute for 6 years now and I've never totally been a huge fan of the instrument itself but I've never thought about quitting. Yet, here I am, ready to be done. Being in band, it seems, has always been a big part of who I am. And, as much as I do love music, I don't think that a "band kid" is who I want to be anymore. I don't practice, I'm not motivated, and frankly, I don't want to sit in class.

Coming up on my senior year, I am realizing that I should be involved with things that I love and want to be a part of. Along with band, I have also decided to stop taking dance lessons. This will be my 10th year at the same studio and I think it's time for me to say goodbye. For the last couple of years, I have dreaded dance class, not looked forward to it. I've stayed involved because, selfishly, I want the 10 year trophy, but after this year, I am done. That being said, I am adding a few new things to my list. Obviously, I will still be running like a maniac, but I also hope to add piano lessons to get my music in. And, hopefully a show this summer. :)

Making all these changes and decisions about what I want to do has really made me think about who I am. I'm not trying to be all melodramatic here, but I don't know who I am. I'm not the all-star cross country runner, I'm not the hard-core church kid, I'm not the band geek and I'm not the theater kid. I do love to listen to music, but I'm not as well-versed as some of my peers. I like to write, but I'm not one of those dark, poetry-writer types either. And, I get good grades, but I'm not a genius like some of the people at my school. I'm not saying I want to have labels or anything, because people are much more complex than that, but I do also want to feel like I shine in something. I don't have a great passion for anything, and I don't feel like I have any extraordinary talents.

I do however, know what my values are, and try to stay true to them. I think it's okay that I don't completely know who I am or what I want to be yet. I mean, I am only sixteen.